People today seem to want to replace the word love with the word kindness. I can understand since the English word love has a broad set of meanings and in society today the focus is on the romantic meaning of love, but though the words are similar they are also very different. To be kind is a good thing. In fact it is one of the nine attributes of the fruit of the Spirit. Love is another attribute. Love wants the best for the other person. Kindness does not necessarily have that motivation.
Being kind means you are friendly, generous, and considerate. Showing love (agape love) means the love is unconditional, sacrificial, and is an act of the will. Love is not a feeling, rather love acts with regard for the other person’s best interest. I like this definition from the book “God Space” (by Doug Pollock, p. 92): “Love is a commitment you make to act in someone else’s best interest. True love can only be known by the actions that it prompts.”
To illustrate the difference, suppose a grandmother was making dinner and her grandkids come up and want to have some cookies from the cookie jar. She would be kind if she handed them the cookie jar, but the loving thing to do would be to say no and say to wait until after dinner. Love puts the best interest of the other first. Being kind may not always be the best thing for the other person.
Another illustration shows that kindness is not demanding but love is. Suppose you give $10 to a homeless person. That is a kind act, but love would not give the $10 if you smelled alcohol on his breath. Instead in love you would volunteer to take him to a detox center. Love is demanding. With love you cannot keep the person at arm’s length like you can with kindness, rather you care and show concern with their best interests in mind.
There is a meme that states “Kindness is everything” and another meme that states “Just be kind”. These campaigns to be kind are good but they are lacking. They equate love and kindness, or they see kindness as love in action. By being kind you cannot use tough love. Kindness means you need to affirm and lift up the person. Sometimes you need to point out to the person some hard truths, like their actions are really destructive behavior. That would be the loving thing to do and it would not be kind.
Showing kindness is a good thing to do, but let us let our kind acts also be acts of love to show we truly care and are concerned for them. Kindness without love is empty.
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