First Date

August 3, 1998 was Gail and Paul’s first date. In many ways, it was not anything special, but in other ways it pointed to our compatibility. We had started emailing each other near the end of June. A mutual friend had suggested to me that Gail needed a pen pal. I knew that she was matchmaking and I almost did not email Gail. The only reason I did, was that I was in Colorado and Gail was in Oregon. The matchmaking was not going to work because of the long distance. So this first date was just to see who I had been emailing. I was out visiting my folks, and Gail and I had planned a hike in the Columbia River Gorge and have lunch together. That was it.

We met at The Grotto parking lot in Portland. It was easy to find each other because there were a couple of bus loads of Asian tourists there, and it appeared that we were the only two Caucasians. We drove to Multnomah Falls hoping to hike to the top but the trail was closed. We did get a picture taken on the bridge there. The guy who took the picture told us to get closer together and act like we liked each other. We had just met less than an hour ago.

We ended up hiking up behind Wahkeema Falls. As we hiked up the Gorge wall, we talked and learned more about each other. We came down and had a lunch Gail prepared, and then the date was supposed to end. But we decided to drive over to Portland’s Rose Garden and there continued our conversation. We talked until it was getting late. We stopped because we had to make sure to pick up Gail’s car at The Grotto before it closed. Since it was dinner time, we stopped at a nearby restaurant, “Elmer’s”, and that was our first date.

It ended up being a lot longer than I had planned, and yet there was no spark for either of us. I did not think anything of it even though we talked much longer than planned. Gail was a nice lady and I enjoyed my time with her. I was still a confirmed bachelor. Gail learned that I was a “Lord of the Rings” fan so she read “The Fellowship of the Ring”. She struggled to read the book and was surprised to find out that it was just the first of three books. (She still ended up marrying me, and did enjoy the BBC Lord of the Rings radio drama and the movies.)

We continued emailing each other. By the time December came around, I knew I wanted to spend more time with Gail, so I took an extra long Christmas vacation to visit my folks. I did not see much of my folks, but I saw a whole lot of Gail, and at the end of the vacation I realized that I was in love.

We got engaged in February, and on August 15, 1999, I married Gail. That is now 26 years ago and it all started 27 years ago with email and that first date. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with Gail. She has been a wonderful partner in life.

*****

Gail here:

Paul captured the day well. I want to add that the timing of our meeting was God’s perfect timing. Meeting Paul at that point in my life was just right. God had been working in both of us over the years and I can see how meeting any earlier would not have worked out as well. The way we met was also perfect. We saw that we were compatible and over the months that we continued to email nearly daily, I learned so much about what Paul thought and how he lived. With the “pressure off” our love and attraction grew. We could “talk” thoughtfully about important things through email, and I learned that Paul was wise, kind, and generous. He was and is God’s gift to me. We are very different, but wonderfully suited to each other. It’s a joy to live life together!

*****

More of the story can be found with these blog posts: Before Engagement and During Engagement.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:31-33)

300 Months

Gail and I have been married for 25 years (300 months). For 25 years I have been able to delight in Gail and enjoy her company. Time has flown by. I thank God that I did email Gail 26 years ago. I almost did not. Life would have been very different. I have been blessed by having Gail in my life.

For our 25th wedding anniversary we went on an Alaska Cruise. We enjoyed the time together in Alaska and on the boat. The weather was on the cloudy and rainy side, and in fact, it was stormy for the first day on board, but we had sunny weather for Glacier Bay and for Ketchikan. We did see a bunch of wildlife, bears, caribou, moose, deer, otters, bald eagles, and other animals. We learned some Alaska history and saw some beautiful scenery. Aboard the ship, we were overwhelmed with the abundance of food and alcohol. The service was over the top. There was some nice entertainment onboard too. It was a nice way to celebrate.

Back 25 years ago, I was worried that I did not know Gail very well. Today, I can say the same thing, even though I know her much better than any other person. And yet though I do not know her as well as I would like, we are connected. Marriage binds a man and a woman together. There is a mystery involved that binds us and connects us. I am attracted to Gail. I delight in her and I enjoy being with her. We are bound together for life, and it is a good thing. Also being connected means we can help each other grow to be more Christ-like.

Today, marriage is discounted as just a social construct that can get in the way of one’s own identity and plans. That is a very selfish way of looking at marriage. The individual is not the basic unit of society like many think today. Rather, the family is society’s basic unit with marriage being the centerpiece of the family. God gave us marriage, so that families can be raised and society can be well formed.

We mess things up by our selfish self-centered way of thinking. Marriage requires commitment and unconditional selfless sacrificial love. We give ourselves to each other in marriage. We serve each other, looking to the needs of the other out of love. Marriage is both romantic love and commitment. It is one way we can break out of our selfish self-centered way of thinking.

Marriage can be a way to demonstrate God’s love, grace, and mercy. A good marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:29-33). We, Christians, are bound to Jesus like a husband and wife are bound to each other. So let us, married people, work at having a good marriage and so reflect the love God has for us. (I recommend “Marriage in Christ” as a great marriage seminar to take to improve your marriage.)

Why a Luther Tour?

My wife, Gail, wrote this blog post.

We recently traveled in Germany, seeing many historical Luther sights. As I posted yet another picture of a Luther Statue on my Facebook page, I wondered if our trip was looking somewhat cult-like for friends not particularly interested in Luther and Lutheran Christianity. I’ve come to the conclusion that while our trip was filled with Luther specific sights, our trip was more about the history and the amazing times in which Luther lived. While we visited key sights in Luther’s life and work, very little of the content we saw was explicitly evangelistic or spiritually moving. Rather, in seeing the locations, I was moved by what an amazing time in history those years were and what amazing company of fellow scholars and great minds were concentrated in one time and place.

When we visited Wittenberg, within a thirty minute walk, we could observe Luther’s Black Cloister, the home of Philipp Melanchthon, a fellow theologian and reformer, the home and workshop of Lucas Cranach, a prolific artist, businessman and craftsman, and the Wittenberg Castle Church where Luther first posted his 95 theses. When I think about the intersection of all these people and the timing of their lifespans in the wake of the innovations in movable type printing by Johannes Gutenberg, I am in awe of God’s orchestration of events, propelling history and theology forward by new technology.

Additionally, the social impacts of the Reformation, including the dissolving of many convents and monasteries, the bloody Peasants’ War, and eventually the Thirty Years War were enormous and largely unconsidered by Luther in his 95 theses invitation to discuss issues.

Having local guides tell their own local history was one of the best parts of the trip. Their history, so much longer than any American can imagine, shaped their culture. When touring various sights, guides told that to most Germans, Luther’s greatest accomplishment was the establishment of the common language of High German. And while most guides could articulate the reformation truth of salvation by Grace through Faith in Jesus, there seemed to be very little appreciation of the life changing impact of that truth for daily life and hope.

Was our trip a Luther pilgrimage? Maybe. It wasn’t a worship of Luther and it wasn’t just historical learning. We saw the places, but more importantly we gained insights about how God worked in that unique time and place.

Important Dates

What are some of those important life changing dates? I think the dates seem to cluster together so it may be better to ask what are the important life changing years? For me, 24 years ago, the year 1999 was full of life changing dates.

It actually started in June of 1998, when I decided to email this lady who my friend said was in need of a pen pal. I knew that match making was my friend’s motive but Gail was in Oregon and I was in Colorado. Nothing was going to happen. Well, thank God! I was wrong. So after a long Christmas vacation where I saw a lot of Gail and not much of my folks, I proposed to Gail on February 13, 1999. We were married on August 15, 1999, and Gail moved to Colorado. So there were two important dates in 1999, but there was also a third important date in that 6 month period.

On April 13, 1999, I became deathly ill with Guillain-Barre Syndrome. Not all important life changing events are positive and this one was not, but God has used this illness for my good. It was a bonding experience for Gail and I. I became more aware of God’s grace and goodness because of it. I had to trust God, Gail, and those taking care of me. There are still some lingering effects from Guillain-Barre. My balance never fully recovered and sometimes I have foot drops when I am walking.

Even though I was very seriously ill back then, I look back at 1999 with pleasant memories. It was the start of a wonderful life with Gail. We have a great marriage and Gail is a wonderful wife. I am blessed to be married to her. The decisions we made on February 13 and August 15 led to this wonderful life I share with Gail.

1999 was the life changing year. I look back on the year very fondly. No other year compares. I would put as a distant second the year 2005. In 2005, we took a 32 day trip to Europe. It was a wonderful trip and I really enjoyed having Gail with me. It was another bonding experience. Also later that year, we moved into our current place of residence. Before then we both had moved many times. This place feels like home, and we have been here now for a long time.

I have been reflecting on those days 24 years ago. Days, I hope to always remember.

If you want to know more of the story of us meeting and marrying, read these two blog posts.

It is our 264th Monthiversary!

22 years ago on Sunday August 15, 1999, I married Gail Halstead. As I recounted in last year’s blog post, my life plans had not worked out as I had planned. Instead God’s plans were better. It was an unusual courtship back then with Gail in Oregon and me in Colorado. Because of that distance, we did a lot of emailing. Our six month engagement turned out to be unusual too.

Two months into our engagement, I became deathly ill with Guillain Barre syndrome. Nerves disconnected and I was paralyzed from the rib cage down with other parts of my body slightly less affected. I could not close my eyes, or pucker my lips. My hands were pretty useless. I spent 2 weeks in the ICU with a total of 6 weeks in the hospital. I then spent 7 weeks recovering in a nursing home, doing physical therapy and learning to walk again. After that, I continued my recovery at home. I ended up missing six months of work. My goal was to be able to walk with one cane down the aisle to get married. That I did, however I went back to two canes after the wedding for a period of time.

In many ways, this was not totally a negative experience. It gave Gail a chance to ask if she could love a man who might remain bedridden. Yes, she decided she could. She was able to get off work and fly out to visit me more often than she would have. It was very nice to see her even though I was in bed. I had to trust her with my finances and the selling of my townhouse. It was a bonding experience for us. And it was a faith growing experience for me. I grew more aware of God’s grace and goodness during this illness.

When we became engaged, Gail started reading several books on marriage and gave me three books to read. We wanted our marriage to be successful, because it is a vow, a commitment, we make for life to each other and to God. What I learned is that marriage takes work. I also learned that Gail’s love language was very different from mine. Over the years, we have taken several marriage courses to keep our marriage going strong, and of course we were always reminded that communication is very important. About a year ago, we took another marriage course, Marriage in Christ. It is a good course and we are planning on offering it at our church. You can also take the course online.

Our marriage has turned out great. I am very happily married to Gail. Marriage does take work and commitment. You can not and should not take the other person for granted. And you need to be intentional in your marriage. They are your partner in life and with some work you can have a wonderful marriage.

Happy 21st Wedding Anniversary

You never know how things are going to turn out. When I headed off to college, I figured I would work for the National Weather Service somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, and I would settle down, get married and have a couple of kids. And this would all happen by the age of 30. Guess what? None of that happened as planned. As I grew older, I realized as a strong introvert that I liked being single and getting married was not going to happen. Again I was wrong.

Back in 1995, I went on a mission trip to Latvia. I had felt the need to step out of my comfort zone and do something different, something “risky” for God. I was glad I went on the mission trip. It was a milestone in my life. Then in 1998, the wife of the couple who led the mission trip contacted me and said that Gail wanted an email pen pal. She had gone on the same mission trip 2 years before me in 1993. I realized the wife was matchmaking and because of that I almost did not email Gail. The only reason I emailed Gail was that I was certain nothing would come of this long distance relationship. She was in Oregon and I in Colorado. Thank God, I was wrong yet again.

We emailed. We met. No sparks flew, but I felt comfortable talking to Gail and I enjoyed her company. Then I belatedly realized I had fallen in love, and I was way out of my comfort zone. Seeing God’s hand in all of this, I again embraced the risk. We were married on August 15, 1999, and now I have been happily married to Gail for 21 years. I am thankful that God put her in my life. She is a wonderful woman and I am very happy to have her as my life partner.

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. (Proverbs 16:9; ESV)

Here are a few pictures from that day 21 years ago.

Starting A Blog

I am starting a blog, https://heinsite.blog . In the blog, there will be a variety of posts. I am doing this because I want to share with you. From the posts you can find out what I am interested in and what I consider to be important. Many of the posts will be Christian or spiritual oriented, but not all posts will be on those topics. Since this blog was originally setup many years ago by Gail she may also post on it too. My plan is to do about 2 posts a month. I will announce them on Facebook and via email. Let me know if you want to be on the email list. My posts will always have the category of “Paul”. The blog will allow comments but they will be moderated so it may take a little time before they are approved and show up on the site.