Tag: love

Love, Intimacy, and Commitment

love you

I believe marriage is all about love, intimacy and commitment.  I think these three attributes help determine the success of a marriage relationship.  All the different types of love need to be found in marriage.  Intimacy includes all the different forms of intimacy.  And it is an all out commitment that both share to make the marriage work.

When we think of marriage we always think of the romantic type of love.  That is an important part of marriage but more important is friendship love and sacrificial love. It is good and important to share our lives with each other.  And it is good and important to give ourselves to the spouse by putting their needs ahead of our own.  Romantic love by itself devolves into nothing more than feelings, but true love that includes friendship and sacrifice along with the romance is so much more.

Intimacy is physical, emotional, and mental.  We open ourselves up to each other and make ourselves vulnerable.  We trust each other so that we can share our fears, our emotions, our successes, and our failures.  We know each other physically, emotionally, and mentally.  We understand.  We know the ups and downs of each other and in that spirit of trust we can be a support for each other.

Commitment is the third attribute of a successful marriage.  Because we are broken people in a broken world, it takes work to make a marriage successful.  That honeymoon period is not forever.  We have to deal with our own brokenness and our spouse’s brokenness to keep the relationship strong.  We need to be willing to reconcile and forgive each other.  We need to maintain and restore our marriage.  We cannot just coast.  And because of that commitment we can trust each other.

While a successful marriage relationship requires both the husband and the wife to actively pursue these attributes of love, intimacy, and commitment, I believe the most important part of a marriage is to put God first in your marriage and in your life. That gives you a firm foundation to build on.  The blessings of the Father who created marriage, of the Son who shows us true love, and of the Holy Spirit who empowers us to love each other are immeasurable.  Let God’s love reign in your hearts and rain down on you and your marriage. It makes a difference.

If you want to improve your marriage or think your marriage can use a tuneup, check out the Marriage in Christ seminar website. I think it is a great series of 5 lessons (with homework).  It strengthened our marriage and I think it can strengthen your marriage too.

Marriage

Marriage Rings Photo by Mike Goodwin

Marriage is found in all cultures. It is nearly universal.  It is foundational to human society.  Marriage has a positive effect on health and wellbeing.  In marriage, families are formed and children are raised.  And yet today, I find that in Western culture marriage and families are considered to be not very important. Instead the individual is considered to be much more important. Below I will describe marriage with a few insights I have learned.  It will be a Biblical view of marriage.

God instituted marriage from the very beginning.  Jesus summarizes it well when he said, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” (Matthew 19:4-5; Genesis 1:27, 2:24) God designed marriage for us.  It is a gift to us.  (Note some are called to be single and marriage is not for them (1 Corinthians 7:7-8).)

Marriage is a public covenant and a commitment you make in love.  You promise and bind yourselves only to each other for life.  Because of that commitment, marriage creates a safe place where intimacy rules.  It is not just physical or sexual intimacy, but it is all the other types of intimacy too. You can safely share your concerns, your faults,  your mistakes, your sins and everything else, because your spouse is there for you and will not run away.  You can be vulnerable. They love you and want the best for you.   They will listen to you as you share.  They will forgive you.  They will help you restore what has been broken.  

Also marriage is a safe and stable place to raise children.  The family is the building block of society.  Studies have shown that children do better when both parents are a part of the family.  Fathers are especially needed. The cornerstone of a Christian marriage is Jesus Christ.  He is first in the marriage with your spouse as second, and the children are third.  Children learn by watching how the husband and wife love and serve each other. And they also learn to serve God by watching their parents.

A Christian marriage is a witness to the world of God’s faithful love for us, his sacrificial service of love to us, and his loving commitment and pursuit of us.  A Christian marriage displays the relationship between God and his people.  God has been faithful in his love for us.  Unfortunately, we have put ourselves, others, and things above God.  We have not submitted ourselves to his loving guidance, and yet he still loves us and pursues us.  He is so committed to us that Jesus came and died for us to allow that intimate relationship with us to be restored.  Jesus is our bridegroom and we are the bride.  

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.  A marriage joins two sinful people, so there will be problems and issues you have to deal with, but because of that covenantal commitment you both can work though those problems and issues. You need to talk with each other and especially listen to each other. You need to forgive each other.  Great marriages require that commitment and for both of you to work at making the marriage great.  It is worth the effort.