Affirming People

Two women talking (Christina@wocintechchat)

Today’s culture is all about affirming people. You tell them they are good just as they are, or that they are better than good. “You are the best” is an affirmation that we all want to hear. It is good to encourage people, especially people with low self esteem, but are we being truthful when we affirm someone? Reality is we are not all hot stuff. In fact, none of us are hot stuff. We are all broken people in need of fixing.

Affirming someone means you validate, support, and/or encourage their identity, experiences, or beliefs and by doing so culture says you are recognizing their worth and value. It is good to treat everyone with dignity and respect, because everyone is of great value and worth, no matter how broken they are. God loves everyone, just as they are, but God also wants to move us to a better place, to restore us and to fix our brokenness. Why? It is because he loves us.

However, today’s culture sees everyone as naturally good, and affirming them is telling them they are okay and whatever problems they have are due to society. It is not their fault. People say “You just be you because you are the best”. Unfortunately, to some extent, it is their fault, and not society’s fault. We all are broken and sinful. It is our fault. Yes, society has its problems but it is because we are broken self-centered people. The problem is us. Each and every one of us are inclined to do evil. We are not naturally good. It is wrong to affirm harmful behavior. It is wrong to ignore our brokenness.

Over the centuries we have tried to solve this problem of our brokenness. Educating people did not change people’s behavior much. Enforcing many laws also did not change people’s behavior very much. Punishing people did not change people. Trying to change society did not fix the problem. And affirming everyone does not solve the problem and change people. All these are external actions. The real problem is internal. Deep down inside of us we are selfish self-centered people. Each and every one of us has this problem. We want things our way and we would also like to have the advantage. Because the problem is internal to each and every one of us, everytime we try to fix the issue we fail, because we can not fix it ourselves.

Fortunately, God loves us even in our brokenness, and he sent Jesus to provide a solution for our brokenness. God in Jesus took on human form, lived that perfect life free from sin and then went to the cross to pay our debt. He died on the cross and rose from the dead on the third day. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, all who trust in him become children of God. The Holy Spirit is at work in us who believe, restoring us to become more like Jesus. Because of our internal change (which is a work in process), we can work for a better world. We can affirm God and his love because of all he has done for us.

So, affirming one another without recognizing our brokenness is harmful. This does not mean we cannot praise or encourage people for well done actions or thoughts. We can and we should, but we need to recognize that we are all still broken people. We cannot affirm people for the harmful actions and ideas that go against God’s holy standards. God’s standards are good for us. It may be kind to affirm someone with a harmful lifestyle, but that would not be the loving thing to do.

Yet, there is one way we can “affirm” everyone, no matter where they are at. It is by telling them “God loves you”. It is a truth that everyone needs to know. We just cannot affirm bad actions or bad ideas. Instead, culture today wants you to affirm everyone no matter what, but we cannot affirm bad behavior. Out of love, we need to address those harmful actions or ideas. Let us be affirming of all God has done, and let us share his love to everyone around us.

Love and Kindness

People today seem to want to replace the word love with the word kindness. I can understand since the English word love has a broad set of meanings and in society today the focus is on the romantic meaning of love, but though the words are similar they are also very different. To be kind is a good thing. In fact it is one of the nine attributes of the fruit of the Spirit. Love is another attribute. Love wants the best for the other person. Kindness does not necessarily have that motivation.

Being kind means you are friendly, generous, and considerate. Showing love (agape love) means the love is unconditional, sacrificial, and is an act of the will. Love is not a feeling, rather love acts with regard for the other person’s best interest. I like this definition from the book “God Space” (by Doug Pollock, p. 92): “Love is a commitment you make to act in someone else’s best interest. True love can only be known by the actions that it prompts.”

To illustrate the difference, suppose a grandmother was making dinner and her grandkids come up and want to have some cookies from the cookie jar. She would be kind if she handed them the cookie jar, but the loving thing to do would be to say no and say to wait until after dinner. Love puts the best interest of the other first. Being kind may not always be the best thing for the other person.

Another illustration shows that kindness is not demanding but love is. Suppose you give $10 to a homeless person. That is a kind act, but love would not give the $10 if you smelled alcohol on his breath. Instead in love you would volunteer to take him to a detox center. Love is demanding. With love you cannot keep the person at arm’s length like you can with kindness, rather you care and show concern with their best interests in mind.

There is a meme that states “Kindness is everything” and another meme that states “Just be kind”. These campaigns to be kind are good but they are lacking. They equate love and kindness, or they see kindness as love in action. By being kind you cannot use tough love. Kindness means you need to affirm and lift up the person. Sometimes you need to point out to the person some hard truths, like their actions are really destructive behavior. That would be the loving thing to do and it would not be kind.

Showing kindness is a good thing to do, but let us let our kind acts also be acts of love to show we truly care and are concerned for them. Kindness without love is empty.

Love

Love is a major theme in the Bible. God loves us unconditionally and he went to the extreme to bring us back into relationship with him.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. (1 John 4:9-10 NLT)

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8 NLT)

Love can be defined with this passage.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

Love also fulfills the law, that is the commandments.

And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:28-31)

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. (Romans 13:8)

We are secure in God’s love.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39)

We respond to God’s love by loving.

We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. (1 John 4:11-12)

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3)

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:18)

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)

Let us love others because of God’s great love for us.

PS This blog is now 5 years old. My first real (non-administrative) blog post was also on love.

Ancient Words

Ancient words ever true; Changing me, and changing you. We have come with open hearts; Oh let the ancient words impart. (Ancient Words by Michael W. Smith; songwriter is Lynn Deshazo)

The Bible is unique. It has been around for about 2000 to 3500 years and was written in 3 languages by about 40 different authors over about 1500 years. The Bible is estimated to have sold 5-7 billion copies and is the most popular book in the world for all time. It has staying power. For 2000 years it has been changing lives. The words found in the Bible are God’s words to a broken world. The story of the Bible is one of God, out of love, rescuing us and giving us a full life. The Bible is different from other religious texts. Other religious texts talk about what we have to do to get right with God or the world. The Bible tells us what God has done to make us right with him.

We know that this world is not as it should be and we desire an utopia where we all can live in peace and harmony. Through the centuries we have tried to create utopias but for every attempt we have failed. We have failed because we are all self-centered and selfish. We live lives centered on ourselves. We are broken. We cannot save ourselves from ourselves. Our self-centered brokenness corrupts everything we try. We need an outside power to save us from ourselves.

Thank you, God, for coming to save us from ourselves. God loves us so very much that he came to earth in Jesus to rescue us and restore that relationship. God saves us and gives us a new life in him. We are not there yet but God is at work in our broken lives, changing us to be more like Jesus. Today, we still many times fail to follow God’s standards even though they are good for us. Fortunately, God’s forgiveness is there for us to allow us to start afresh. He wants the best for us. One day, Jesus will return and that desire for a peaceful utopia will become a reality. In the Bible, God gives us hope and life. The Bible is about his story of restoration for us.

This is why the Bible is the best selling book in the world for all time. A good summary of the main theme of the Bible can be found in the introduction to “The Jesus Storybook Bible”. “The Story and the Song” is a video of the introduction of the book. Yes, the book is aimed at kids, but the introduction points out what the Bible is not and what is the main theme of the Bible. It is all about Jesus. These ancient words are always true and life changing.

Inductive/Deductive Bible Study

How do we read the Bible? We can read it with an inductive reasoning mindset or a deductive reasoning mindset. When you read inductively, you read a passage and from the details you derive some general life principles. It is a bottom up approach. When you read deductively, you start with a premise or a theory and you look at a passage to verify (or not) the premise. It is a top down approach. There are valid reasons to use both approaches, and there are potential problems with each approach.

When you read the Bible, context is everything. You can avoid a lot of problems if you put the passage in context. The Bible is a library of 66 books, written about 2000 to 3500 years ago by about 40 human authors. Though the Bible was written for us to read, it was written to the people of that time and place. How did the original hearers understand it? So there are several questions to ask. What is the historical context of the passage? What is the cultural context? Is it a historical document, a letter, poetry or something else? What is the context in regard to the surrounding passages? What is the context to other passages (and books) of the same time period? And what is the context in relation to the overarching story of Jesus and his work here? Context is very important!

To understand how those who originally understood it, we also need to know how life was different between then and modern day. What things are important today that were not important back then, and what are the things important back then that are not important today? This applies to the cultural context. One example is today we are very individualistic and back then they were much more family and community oriented.

This sounds overwhelming. Do not worry. There are resources available to help you read and study the Bible. Study Bibles, study guides, and many Christian books are good resources to help you interpret the Bible. I do make use of them. They are helpful. That is why it is good to also learn how Christians in the past have interpreted the Bible for the Holy Spirit has enlightened Christians in the past as he continues to do so today. The Christian faith, though personal, is a faith that is found in community. Therefore the biblical understanding of Christians in the past and the present, under careful scrutiny of Holy Scripture, can be a guide to help you interpret the Bible. Let us get back to inductive and deductive reasoning.

If you are using the inductive reasoning approach then you need to decide what general theological principles are found in the passage. Once you have determined the potential theological principles then you need to find other passages to prove that it is a valid theological principle. (There should also be one passage in the New Testament validating your principle.) Once validated then you need to put it into practice. One needs to be careful not to a priori determine the principle or principles.

If you are using the deductive reasoning approach then you need to determine whether the passage fits the premise or topic that you had a priori determined. Again, are there other passages that fit your topic? (And again there should be one in the New Testament.) Many times with a deductive Bible study, the topic has been determined by others and you are in a topical Bible study where you are reading a list of passages that should support the topic. All the passages in context should support the topic. You need to be careful of the context and your own biases.

If you want to find something in the Bible to prove your point, there is a good chance that you can find it, but it will most likely not be in context of the surrounding verses or of the Bible in general. For an extreme example. Charles Manson used the book of Revelation, in particular chapter 9, to promote his violent vision of the future and his use of the Beatles songs. (The locusts were the Beatles.) Charles Manson looked at the Bible to authenticate his violent vision. He found what he was looking for, and by his reasoning deduced his proof. The problem was that he set out to use the Bible to authenticate his beliefs, and not to discover what the Bible had to say. His proof passages were out of context and his vision did not fit with the rest of the Bible. We need to be careful to keep things in context and to be careful to let our reasoning, desires, and feelings not bias how we read the Bible. There are many other examples of people using the Bible to authenticate their beliefs or viewpoints. Avoid doing it.

Sometimes people allow tradition, a person’s writings, cultural beliefs, certain moral values, science, or even reason to have the same or higher authority than the Bible. I believe the Bible is the true and only real authority. Do not discount or water down what the Bible says. Again, so when studying the Bible, context is important and be aware of your biases. And have other Christians confirm your interpretation.

For more information on studying the Bible, check out “Read, Mark, Learn, and Inwardly Digest” and “Is the Bible Wicked?”.

Coasting

A question I am asking myself is “Am I coasting?” If I am coasting through life then I am not striving for something. When I am coasting, I am going downhill. I need to be intentional (and disciplined) in living my life. When I coast, I just live and react, and let my desires and the influences of the culture determine my response. Instead I should be living for God and responding to life’s issues in a God-pleasing way. That takes intentionality.

We live in a very self-centered culture. Today’s culture does not help us live a life for God. Comfort and convenience for oneself are promoted. There is nothing wrong with convenience or comfort, but we need to make certain that it is not self-centered desires driving our life. If I coast, I tend to let my desires as well as cultural influences determine my actions. While coasting I tend to let convenience and comfort dictate my actions. That is not good or altogether healthy. I need a plan, a “rule of life” (a pattern of habits), to live by to help me counteract my selfish desires and the cultural influences.

I set up a “rule of life” two years ago, and I found that to be quite helpful but I do not always follow it and end up coasting through life instead of being intentional. The good news is the “rule of life” has created some habits so when I am coasting many of those good habits from the “rule of life” are still active. However, when I am coasting I miss opportunities to serve God and others.

My motivation for the “rule of life” is not to do something to earn the name of Christian or to even become a “better Christian”, rather I am motivated to serve God for his glory out of love and gratitude for what he has done for me. Jesus came to earth to take the punishment I deserve. He saved me and gave me a full life. As I rest in his love, mercy and grace, how can I not seek to give him thanks and show him love by living a life he desires. Fortunately, I am empowered by his Spirit to live this full life. So all praise and honor belong to him.

I am committed to serve Jesus Christ. The “rule of life” needs more than only good intentions. It also needs discipline to do and build the habits found in the “rule of life”. And so with the help of the Holy Spirit I strive to live a life that pleases him. I fail more times than I wish, but God is a work in me to make me more Christ-like. It is with that hope or expectation I move forward. I feel my “rule of life” is a helpful tool for me.

Maybe creating your own “rule of life” would be helpful for you. I would encourage you to give it a try. It has helped me to avoid coasting through life.

Peace

Peace is something everyone seems to want. Peace in the Bible is a rich concept. It is more than just the absence of conflict. Peace is a state of wholeness and completeness. With peace what is broken is restored or made whole. Peace brings a sense of calm and renewal, especially in our relationships.

The Hebrew word for peace is shalom. The idea of wholeness and well-being comes from shalom. Shalom can be used as a greeting. It asks about our welfare. Much like our greeting, “How are you doing?”, but shalom gives that added sense that everything should be right and whole. Shalom also implies a restoring of the relationship.

We rob ourselves of peace when we worry about things. Much of our worry and anxiety is about things we have no or very little control over. There is no good reason to worry and yet we do. We fear the future. We fear the unknown and even the known. We are troubled by the events in the world. What we need to do is to recognize that we have a God who is good and loves us. He is in control and he desires the best for us, so we need not worry but instead we need to let his peace wash over us.

God showed his love for us by coming in the person of Jesus. That is what Christmas is all about. On Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Jesus came in love to save us from our brokenness and to restore the relationship between us and God. He brought us peace. That is why the angels announcing the birth of Jesus said “… on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” (Luke 2:14). Jesus offers his peace to us so we can no longer be troubled or afraid (John 14:27). It is a peace that “surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

Do you want peace? Jesus wants to come and give you his peace. It is something I am thankful for and I rejoice in his peace.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

This blog post was inspired by the Bible Project video, “Shalom/Peace”.
P.S. Here is our 2024 Christmas letter.

Justice

Today there is a lot of talk about justice, especially social justice. We care a lot about justice. God actually has a lot to say in the Bible about justice and injustice. The Bible Project has an excellent video (animation) giving a great overview of justice in the Bible. Justice in the Biblical story is pretty radical, and is different from what we naturally do or expect.

We need to start at the beginning. God created us in his image, and gave us dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:27-28). Since we all were made in the image of God, we are all equal and deserve to be treated with dignity and fairness. It doesn’t matter who you are. You should be treated fairly and with respect.

Unfortunately, we take the good and selfishly take advantage of the situation at the expense of another and then injustice appears. This injustice or evil also infects families, communities, and whole civilizations. We create vulnerable people that we take advantage of. We do not treat them with fairness and respect. Out of self-centered selfish motives, we instead take advantage of them. Even if we are oppressed and we gain the advantage, we will take the advantage to become the oppressor. We do not learn, because we are broken and do not have the respect toward others to treat them fairly and with dignity.

All is not lost. God had a plan and called Abraham. Genesis 18:17-19 talks about Abraham. Through him “all the nations of the earth shall be blessed”, and that Abraham would teach his family “to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice”. Doing righteousness is about being a “good” person, but it is more about having right relationships with people. We need to treat people with the dignity that comes from being made in the image of God. In the Bible, justice can refer to retributive justice (you pay the consequences), but most of the time in the Bible justice is about restorative justice (helping people, charity). This means to do justice, we seek out vulnerable people and help them. So doing righteousness and justice is about having a radical, selfless way of life.

And as the Bible story clearly shows, we fail at doing righteousness and justice. We may not be actively perpetuating injustice, but we all take part in injustice, whether actively, passively, or even being unintentionally. Injustice is everywhere, and we are all guilty of it.

God’s plan comes to fruition with the coming of Jesus Christ. Jesus lived a life doing righteousness and justice. He paid our debt to God by dying on the cross and he rose again so that we might be declared righteous before God. This is the gift God gives us, guilty people. Empowered by the Holy Spirit, we respond to this gift of life by doing righteousness and justice. It is not always easy or comfortable, but we reach out to those in need with love and compassion. We love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31).

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8)

Thanksgiving

I have written a lot about being thankful, because it makes life better so for the fifth Thanksgiving I will write again about being thankful. It is important and it puts life in proper perspective. Everything we have comes from a loving gracious God. It is all a gift that we often take for granted.

It is healthy and therapeutic to be thankful. It is good for relationships, mental health, and even sleep. So let us give thanks and express gratitude, because it is not only good for the person receiving the thanks but it is good for us as well. You take the focus off yourself when you are thankful, and I believe it also makes you more resilient.

Back in 1789, George Washington at the urging of Congress set aside a day for thanksgiving and prayer to acknowledge all God had done for them. Our founding fathers recognized the need to give thanks to God and so started the holiday of Thanksgiving. Today it seems to be more about food and family and less about thanking God. This Thanksgiving find a church that has a Thanksgiving service and attend it. (My church, Immanuel, in Loveland, CO, has a Thanksgiving service on Thanksgiving at 9 AM.) I find the service to be important, because it resets my mind on the love and goodness of God because of his provision for us. Our Heavenly Father is gracious and merciful, and he provides for all our needs. That is worthy of thanks and praise.

We are called to give thanks for everything (Ephesians 5:20) and to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). That seems like a hard thing to do, until you realize that God is working everything out for our good (Romans 8:28). Tough situations can turn into blessings. Let us have that attitude of thanksgiving, recognizing that our Heavenly Father has provided all that is needed in his love.

Heavenly Father, we give you thanks and praise for this beautiful world you created. You provide for every need of ours, food, clothing, shelter, family and friends, and even the air we breathe. It is all from you. You are good, gracious, and merciful to us. We especially thank you for sending your Son, Jesus Christ, to take our place and die on the cross for us. Because of him we have a Spirit empowered life. Thank you for everything! Amen!

Unnatural Act

Forgiveness is an unnatural act. It is unfair, but I believe it is the best way to promote reconciliation and to stop any on-going retribution. Too often both sides want justice and feel they are totally in the right. They do not want reconciliation. They want revenge and justice for themselves. They need and humbly look at their own actions. For in a broken relationship both sides are usually to be at fault in some way.

We find ourselves there many times. Too many times we wait for the person to come to us to apologize and ask for forgiveness, and we find that they have been waiting for us to come to them. There are too many sons who drive past their mom’s house everyday for years and refuse to stop because of some old grudge. Both are too proud to admit they may have a part in the wrong, and are waiting for the other to apologize. We may not be in that bad of a situation, but is there some broken relationship that needs your grace and forgiveness?

It is not just people and their relationships that are missing some grace. Nations and people groups also seek vengeance under the guise of justice. Many centuries have gone by and the Croats, Serbs, and their Muslim neighbors are still fighting. And the same is true for the Israeli and Palestinian conflict. Recently, Israel responded to Iran’s missile attacks, which was a response to Israel’s attack which was a response to …. You get the idea. How many people must die before there can be peace? Can grace and forgiveness play a role?

As Christians, we have been given the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:16-21). Of first importance is the restoration of our relationship with God, but reconciliation with one another and with nations are also a part of the mission to heal our brokenness. God has forgiven us so very much and how can we not out of gratitude forgive others (Matthew 18:21-35)? And how can we not share the good news of God’s love and forgiveness for us?

This unnatural act of grace and forgiveness is also needed after this contentious election. Too many unkind words and outright lies were said. How can we reconcile with each other and unite for the good of the nation? Let us Christians create a gracious atmosphere where the animosities can be put aside in order to allow us to work together.

Note forgiveness is not the same as a pardon. A forgiven person can still pay the consequences of their actions. I think of the relatives of those killed in a Bible Study in Charleston, SC in 2015 who offered forgiveness. Pardon was not offered and the murderer was tried for the 9 deaths. Forgiveness releases the forgiver from the need for vengeance. That is an important and necessary part of healing.

Forgiveness is an unnatural act in our broken world, instead we want justice for ourselves and what we often mean by justice is vengeance. God has called us to think differently. He has empowered us to be about the ministry of reconciliation. Let us step out and graciously work to reconcile people to God and to each other.