Marriage

Marriage is found in all cultures. It is nearly universal. It is foundational to human society. Marriage has a positive effect on health and wellbeing. In marriage, families are formed and children are raised. And yet today, I find that in Western culture marriage and families are considered to be not very important. Instead the individual is considered to be much more important. Below I will describe marriage with a few insights I have learned. It will be a Biblical view of marriage.

God instituted marriage from the very beginning. Jesus summarizes it well when he said, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” (Matthew 19:4-5; Genesis 1:27, 2:24) God designed marriage for us. It is a gift to us. (Note some are called to be single and marriage is not for them (1 Corinthians 7:7-8).)

Marriage is a public covenant and a commitment you make in love. You promise and bind yourselves only to each other for life. Because of that commitment, marriage creates a safe place where intimacy rules. It is not just physical or sexual intimacy, but it is all the other types of intimacy too. You can safely share your concerns, your faults, your mistakes, your sins and everything else, because your spouse is there for you and will not run away. You can be vulnerable. They love you and want the best for you. They will listen to you as you share. They will forgive you. They will help you restore what has been broken.

Also marriage is a safe and stable place to raise children. The family is the building block of society. Studies have shown that children do better when both parents are a part of the family. Fathers are especially needed. The cornerstone of a Christian marriage is Jesus Christ. He is first in the marriage with your spouse as second, and the children are third. Children learn by watching how the husband and wife love and serve each other. And they also learn to serve God by watching their parents.

A Christian marriage is a witness to the world of God’s faithful love for us, his sacrificial service of love to us, and his loving commitment and pursuit of us. A Christian marriage displays the relationship between God and his people. God has been faithful in his love for us. Unfortunately, we have put ourselves, others, and things above God. We have not submitted ourselves to his loving guidance, and yet he still loves us and pursues us. He is so committed to us that Jesus came and died for us to allow that intimate relationship with us to be restored. Jesus is our bridegroom and we are the bride.

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. A marriage joins two sinful people, so there will be problems and issues you have to deal with, but because of that covenantal commitment you both can work though those problems and issues. You need to talk with each other and especially listen to each other. You need to forgive each other. Great marriages require that commitment and for both of you to work at making the marriage great. It is worth the effort.

Be Intentional and Disciplined

Another year is coming to an end. People make resolutions this time of year. Last year I set up a “rule of life” for me to live by, instead of having New Year’s resolutions. I like the idea of creating a pattern of habits to live by, and I think it has worked out well for me this past year. I did fail this last month in the habit of “Limit the eating of sweets and fats”. I ate way too many cookies and now I have a couple pounds I need to lose. I was not intentional and disciplined in my eating this last month.

I think in today’s culture of comfort and convenience we need to be intentional and disciplined in how we live. The strong siren call of today’s culture is to live for oneself and to fulfill one’s desires. The goal of many people is to live a life of ease, one of comfort and convenience, where they can always be happy by having all their desires met. This last month I let my desire for sweet cookies rule my eating. It was not healthy. I was not intentional in my eating, and I was not at all disciplined. I gained a couple of pounds. Now I have to deal with the consequences of that lack of discipline.

God calls us to a life centered around him and not centered around us. That is very different from what today’s culture says. Culture today pulls us toward a self-centered life based on our desires. This is why we can not coast through life. If we do, we will not be living for God and we will have to deal with the consequences of the short term thinking of our desires. We need to be intentional and disciplined in life’s activities so that we can have that good and full life centered on God.

One good way of being intentional is to have a plan. We can not try to fit God into our lives. Instead we need to start with God and build our lives around him. That is why I created a “rule of life” document for myself, so that I would be consistent in how I live my life for God. I created the document by looking at what I was already doing and what I wanted to do. I did not get very specific (e.g. Every morning at 6:00am I will read the Bible), instead I kept my habits more general (e.g. Daily read Scripture). I am not that structured, but you may be. It does take some prayerful consideration to put together a plan or a “rule of life”. It is not something you should write up in a few hours. Spend some time praying about it while putting it together. Once it is done you will want to revisit it from time to time to see how well it still fits. For me this is the time of year when I think of such things. (I first started thinking about the idea of a “rule of life” around New Years 2022 and I put it into practice around New Years 2023 and now I am evaluating it around New Years 2024.)

Having a plan and wanting to be intentional is not enough. You need commitment and discipline to put your intentionality into action. This is the hard part but this is something we need to strive for. It is not easy and I have also many times failed to live up to the “habits” or “rules” that I have set (let alone God’s good standards), but fortunately, we have a God who is merciful and gracious. He desires that intimate relationship between us and him. I think my “rule of life” document helps me to pursue that relationship. Our focus should be centered on God, especially on Jesus. It is out of gratitude for God’s amazing love and for all Jesus has done for me that I want to live my life to his glory. He inspires and enables me to have the discipline to live life for him.

PS To find out some of what Gail and I did in 2022 and 2023, read our Christmas letter.

A Christmas Story

A long long time ago, there was a young woman, Miriam, who was engaged to be married to a man named Yosef. She had a visit from a messenger from God. The messenger said, “Hello, highly favored one. God is with you.” This very unusual event naturally troubled her. The messenger said, “Do not be afraid, Miriam, because God is going to bless you. You will bear a son and name him Yehoshua. He will become a great person, and he will be called the Son of God. God will restore the kingdom of your ancestor David and he will reign over the People of God forever. His kingdom will be eternal.”

Miriam responded to the messenger, “I am a virgin. Virgins do not bear children. Is there something I must do?”

The messenger replied, “No, you need to do nothing. The Holy Spirit will come upon you and by God’s power you will bear the child. And here is a sign, your relative, Elisheba, who was unable to have children, is pregnant in her old age. She is six months into her pregnancy. Nothing is impossible with God.” Miriam responded and said, “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be done as you have said.” Then the messenger left, and Miriam became pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Miriam was going to become the talk of the town. The good girl was pregnant. Yosef, Miriam’s fiance, upon hearing the news debated what he should do. After all he was not the father. Being a good man, he did not want to publicly humiliate her and have her stoned. He decided to break off the engagement quietly. That night he had a dream, where a messenger from God said, “Yosef, descendent of David, do not be afraid to take Miriam as your wife, for the child that is in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall name him Yehoshua, for he will save his people from their sins.” Yosef took her as his wife.

Miriam left town and went to visit Elisheba. Miriam greeted Elisheba, and Elisheba doubled over. But instead of crying out in pain, being filled with the Holy Spirit, Elisheba loudly proclaimed “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is your child! Why am I so honored that the mother of my Lord should visit me? When I heard your voice, the baby in my womb jumped for joy. You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said.”

Miriam responded in song:

“I praise the Lord.
My spirit rejoices in God my Savior!
For he took notice of his lowly servant,
and from now on all generations will call me blessed.
For the Mighty God has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
He shows mercy from generation to generation
to all who fear him.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their thoughts.
He has brought down princes from their thrones
and has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
and he has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel
remembering to be merciful
Because of this promise he made to our ancestors,
to Abraham and his children forever.”

Miriam stayed with Elisheba for about three months and then returned home.

Now it so happened that Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman Empire. And everyone returned to their own ancestral town to register. So Yosef left Nazareth in Galilee and went to Bethlehem in Judea, taking Miriam with him because he was a descendant of King David (and Miriam too).

While there Miriam gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him in strips of cloth and laid him in a feeding trough, because there was no lodging (inn or guest room) available for them.

That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly, a messenger of the Lord appeared among them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the messenger said, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. You will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped in strips of cloth and lying in a feeding trough.” And suddenly with the messenger, appeared a heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”

When the heavenly host had left them and returned into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” So they hurried off and found Miriam and Yosef, and the baby, who was lying in the feeding trough. They then went out and spread the word about this baby, and those who heard it wondered at the news. Miriam treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

The real accounts of the birth of Jesus can be found in Luke 1:39-56, 2:1-21; Matthew 1:18-25. I used Hebrew names for Elizabeth (Elisheba), Mary (Miriam), Joseph (Yosef) and Jesus/Joshua (Yehoshua). Jesus is the English version of the Latin version of the Greek version of the Hebrew name Yehoshua, whereas Joshua is the English version of Yehoshua. Mary was likely called by the Aramaic version of Miriam, which is Maryam, but I wanted to keep all the names in Hebrew.